there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In other news, I just burned my penis
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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