He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
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