I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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