I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
