I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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