Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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