remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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