Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
