Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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