Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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