Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
