If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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