I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
