I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
