do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
