Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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