He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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