I am in a vortex of obligation.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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