K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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