Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Randomize
