Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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