I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
