I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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