'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Randomize
