She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
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