so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
