and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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