fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He passed out mid-signature
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
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