didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
