when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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