Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
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It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
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I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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