nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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