btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
