Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
