You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Say something about gay babies.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
