I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
