So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
