It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
this just has baby written all over it
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
