I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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