____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
