Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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