You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
