kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
