i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
