you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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