from now on my penis is your penis
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
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