Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
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Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
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