her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
