Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
