I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
