roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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