You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
