Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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