I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
