So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
