If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
