Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
