I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
