O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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