Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
