Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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