Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
