ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
