hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
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