WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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