forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
