Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
