Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
