we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
