Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
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