i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
