Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
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its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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