I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
