I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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