i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
