You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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