Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk is a universal language darling
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