he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
