so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
