when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Can Purell be used as lube?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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